Beat the Heat

Last week in Ottawa, the temperature hit a sweltering 36.3˚ which was almost a record.  

Forests were spontaneously igniting, asphalt was melting, people were diving indoors to hide in air conditioned comfort and kids were splashing around in pools or running through sprinklers.

To cope with the heat, Auntie was making Popsicles as fast as I could eat them and as fast as the freezer could freeze them.  Uncle Jim was eating ice cream with chocolate sauce and washing it all down with iced espresso.

One furry critter just couldn't take it any more and passed out on our deck after gulping down some water from a dish that I leave out for visiting kitties.

I guess her den wasn't air conditioned, poor thing!

Timber! A Mighty Maple Comes Down

It was a warm and stormy night. 

At 9:30PM the doorbell rang.  "Who could be visiting at this hour?" I thought.  I was in my boudoir, wearing a peignoir, my hair in a chignon, sipping Pineau.  It was pouring rain and really windy.

Uncle Jim answered the door.  It was our next door neighbour, Eric.  He had bad news.  A huge limb from the 100 year old maple tree between our houses just landed on his roof with a big bang.  He wanted us to know about the limb in case it fell from his roof and on to our front porch or on us if we walked down our shared lane.  This was a definite possibility since there was so much wind and I think I saw pigs flying by.

Oops, that can't be right!

The next morning in the light of day we had a good look at the situation.  It was worse than we thought.   The fallen limb was hollow.  It had twisted in the strong wind and was now resting comfortably on Eric and Maya's roof.  That limb was wider than me!

Maya called the City and since the tree belonged to the City they took responsibility for it.  They would send someone on Monday to take a look at the tree and plan a strategy to remove the limb and see if the rest of the tree needed to be cut down.

Before Eric and Maya moved in a few years ago, the house belonged to the Devlins who had lived there since the 1960's.  Mr Devlin was always complaining to the city about the annoying tree and urged them to chop it down...

Sorry but you're evicted!

Say "I do" in Múnegu

On July 1, 2011, fireworks will be flying, and not just here in Canada on Canada Day where we will have the honour of hosting the newly minted royal couple, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

On the same day in a land far, far away, Monégasques will join together and heave a collective sigh of relief that their fearless leader and long time bachelor, HRH Prince Albert II of Monaco will finally take a bride!  

In the first of two ceremonies, the happy couple will say "I do" (perhaps in Múnegu, the traditional Monégasque language) and begin their new life together...

Auntie Under Attack or The Day I Wish I'd Stayed in Bed

Well, normally Auntie is a lucky duck and not much bad happens unless you call it bad luck to burn a batch of cookies because I couldn't hear the timer ring because I was in the garden and got distracted and forgot all about them.  I guess this is bad luck for Uncle Jim since he didn't get to eat his cookies.

Well, last Tuesday was a bit different.....

 

The first ominous sign of bad things to come was in the kitchen when my fruit bowl was surrounded by fruit flies.  It took some effort to eliminate those but thanks to my handy electric fly zapper, I zapped them all with a few swats and a bit of cursing.  It was an unlucky day for those fruit flies.

Then on my morning power walk, an old enemy returned:  a really mean Red-Winged Blackbird who swoops down at my head whenever I pass by.  This started last year and now I always run past the same spot with my hands waving in the air like some lunatic or like Tippy Hedren in Alfred Hitchcock's horror movie, The Birds.

Then, when I got home from my power walk, I went into the yard to stretch and there were 3 hungry squirrels, all pulling apples off of my apple tree.

After chasing them away I noticed that some racoons had arrived on the scene.  I think they were conspiring  with the squirrels, hoping for a few apples. 

The day continued to slide when that night my computer was hit by a massive virus that took it over and Uncle Jim had to bring it to a computer repair shop where they had to wipe the hard drive and reinstall it.  This left me for an entire week without a computer.  Boo Hoo!

Ah well, I've put all of that behind me and it seems my luck has returned to normal:  last night I dreamed that I won a trip for two to France!

Yabba Dabba Do! Auntie Visits Bedrock

Auntie Visits Bedrock

If a Genie rose from its bottle and granted you one wish, what would you wish for?  For me, it could only be one thing:  the ability to time travel!

Ever since I can remember, time travel has been my idea of a good time.  When I was a kid I imagined going back in time to study harder on that test that I had failed or to relive a day that was really fun and that I never wanted to end.

I imagined zipping here and there, backwards and forwards in time, being an eye witness to important historical events and learning firsthand the truth about perplexing things like how the pyramids were built or seeing what really killed all the dinosaurs.  Or maybe I'd zip into the future and see what's going to happen next in the world and look all smart and get really rich by buying successful stocks.

Well in the not too distant past, Auntie had a little time travel adventure of her own.  It all started when Wilma Flintstone called me from her shell phone.  The sound wasn't too good since shell phones are generally incompatible with my 21st century phone but I got the gist of what she said:  "come to Bedrock because there's going to be a big party to celebrate Betty's birthday."  She also said that we would surprise her and all go to the Rockadero Night Club because two of Betty's favourite performers would be on stage:  Anne Margrock and Stony Curtis. Who could resist an invitation like that?

Right after I hung up I I logged on to the Rockanet and booked a flight on Pterodactyl Airlines who were having a half-price sale to Bedrock.

We all  had a great evening at the Rockadero and everyone turned out to wish Betty a Happy Birthday and take part in the celebration.  Mr Slate, Mrs Slaghoople, Wilma, the Great Gazoo, Fred and Barney and I were all there.

The Camera Bird is Back

That little adventure to Betty's birthday party in Bedrock came flooding back to me when, in one of  the boxes in our basement, I found a drawing that my dear high school friend, Peter Emslie drew of me with Fred and Barney.  Peter just happened to be in Bedrock for a dancing competition sponsored by the Rock Astaire Studios and I asked him to join me at the Flintstones' for a pre-party cocktail.  I'm lucky he did - Fred's camera bird had flown the coop so if it hadn't been for Peter I would have no pictures of me visiting Bedrock at all and then you would not believe this story, dear readers.

Your Friendly Neighbourhood Wormhole

Well, if you'd like to time travel too, I can recommend these three excellent options:  One, board a space ship and fly around the universe until you find a worm hole, fly into it and cross your fingers.  It's probably the most unpredictable way to time travel since you may land in a different universe or a different place in time so remember to bring some sea sick pills and a toothbrush.  You can get some helpful hints by watching National Geographic's really good video explanation of worm holes and time travel.

Safe, Comfy Time Travel

Two, and infinitely more reliable, is to build a time machine yourself like George in the H.G. Wells novel, The Time Machine.  At least George had a comfy seat and a handy lever so he could set the time machine quite accurately to the year he wanted to visit.  George eventually lands in the year 802,701.  I guess he wasn't all that interested in the past.

The best way of all, I think,  is to do what I did:  When I discovered Peter's drawing of me visiting Bedrock I traveled into the past.  Then, in the present, Peter, Uncle Jim and I had lovely lunch where we talked about what we were planning for the future.  Now that's a nice civilized way to time travel. 

Any way you chose, just remember to pack your camera so everyone will believe you when you tell them where you've been and what you've seen.

Now if only that Genie would show up!